My True Confession…
Kendra Diehl
I envisioned my final contribution to The Master’s Voice Newsletter as a member of the MI team would be an uplifting message; inspiring with just the right touch of humor. But alas, it will instead be a confession…I am vision and hearing impaired! I have worn eye glasses since the awkward age of 9, and yes, my classmates called me “4-eyes,” but that’s not the kind of vision or hearing impairment I’m confessing. I have spiritual vision and hearing impairment that needs daily adjustment.
Nearly every morning I make the same request: “Lord, please give me eyes to see and ears to hear what your Spirit is doing and saying, so I may partner with You in the world today!” Sometimes I wonder if Jesus is pleased or annoyed by my recurring prayer. If one of my kids asked this of me day-in and day-out, I’d be tempted to say something cheeky like; “Really child, again? Didn’t I give that to you yesterday? Did you lose it or something?” Perhaps embedded in my frustration with them is an ignorance to my daily need, because the honest answer is, “Yes you did Lord. You did give it to me yesterday, and yes, I seem to need it again.”
Does the Lord get frustrated by my request?
When I read what Scripture says about spiritual eyes and ears, it’s a weighty matter, and yes, sometimes the Lord is frustrated.
Through Moses the Lord says, “You have seen all that the Lord did before your eyes in the land of Egypt, to Pharaoh and to all his servants and to all his land, the great trials that your eyes saw, the signs, and those great wonders. But to this day the Lord has not given you a mind to understand, or eyes to see, or ears to hear,” (Deuteronomy 29:2-5).
To the Prophet Ezekiel the Lord says, “Mortal, you are living in the midst of a rebellious house, who have eyes to see but do not see, who have ears to hear but do not hear; for they are a rebellious house,” (Ezekiel 12:1-2).
Shortly after Jesus fed 5000 hungry people and then 4000 more a short time later, he was frustrated with his twelve disciples by their vision and hearing impairment. Overhearing their conversation as they walked together on the road, Jesus asks, “Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes, and fail to see? Do you have ears, and fail to hear? And do you not remember?...Do you not yet understand?” (Mark 8:17-21).
God is frustrated, Moses is frustrated, Ezekiel is frustrated, Jesus is frustrated. No wonder I get frustrated with myself. How quickly I can forget, or put on spiritual blinders and slip in my earplugs. Just like God’s people of old, I forget what the Lord has done and get distracted by what I see and hear with my physical eyes and ears in the world around me: National news, world news, sexual scandals, social media memes, Twitter feeds, street violence, gun violence, road-rage, world hunger, poverty, homelessness, a global health crisis, and I haven’t even begun to mention my own flesh-issues (I’ll save those confessions for my Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter feed).
Whew! Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I want to live with my head in the clouds, ignoring the world’s issues or detached from the place I live, but Jesus knew that his physical eyes and ears weren’t enough to live as one filled with God’s Spirit in the world. Three different times in the Gospel of John, Jesus states that he only does what he sees his Father doing and he only says what he hears his Father saying. I want to live like this because I want to reflect Jesus’ life today. I want to live this human life filled with God’s Spirit, seeing what God sees and hearing what God hears so I can make the impact God intends with my life. So I’m going to keep asking. I need to keep asking!
In contrast to stubborn, rebellious or self-assured people in the Scriptures mentioned above, Jesus encounters a boisterous, eager blind man named Bartimaeus. Sitting beside the road just outside the city of Jericho, Bartimaeus hears that Jesus is passing by. To get Jesus’ attention he gets loud and obnoxious. The crowd tries to hush him, but instead he yells louder. Jesus stops and calls him forward. Bartimaeus leaps to his feet, throws off his cumbersome coat, and feels his way through the crowd to Jesus. “I want to see!” he proclaims. Without any frustration or irritation Jesus simply says, “Go, your faith has healed you.” Immediately Bartimaeus had sight, and began to follow Jesus, (Mark 10:46-52). I’m comforted by Bartimaeus’ request, Jesus' response, and the miraculous outcome. What if Bartimaeus stayed quiet or hadn’t asked?
This is not only my confession, it’s a prayer I’m going to keep praying ad nauseam. I know that in confessing my condition and repeating my daily need, I can anticipate a miraculous outcome. “Lord, please give me eyes to see and ears to hear what your Spirit is doing and saying so that I may partner with You on this earth!”